It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize