I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
