Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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