Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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