Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
