So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
