She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
