its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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