So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize