He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize