I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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