i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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