Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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