I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
