Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
