She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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