I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
