This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
