There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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