They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
