Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
