I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
