I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She bit a glass in half.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
