Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
