You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
