Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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