Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
