Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
