After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
