The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize