True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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