margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
