the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
