We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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