you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
