Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
