You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
