Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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