3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
