So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
