omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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