She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
