i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize