i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
