can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
