btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
