In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
