I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
