There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
