Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
