this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
