i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
