We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
