weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
