You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
