Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
