i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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