Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
