i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
