wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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