I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
