Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
