Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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