He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
