It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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