just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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