When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
