Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
