She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize