Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
