are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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