were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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