rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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